Separation and divorce
A schedule, a budget and a house, decided by the two of you
A court can end a marriage. It is much worse at deciding who collects the children on Thursdays. In mediation the two of you decide that, along with holidays, who pays what, and what happens to the house.
I keep the conversation orderly and make sure each of you finishes your sentences. I'm not either person's lawyer and I don't prepare court papers. I write up what you agree, and each of you can have your own lawyer read it before anything is filed.
What the sessions work through
The order changes with the family. These are the four conversations nearly everyone has.
- 01
The week and the year
School days, weekends, holidays, the summer, and what happens when one of you has to travel for work.
- 02
The money
Support for the children, who covers what, and a budget each of you can actually live on. I bring the state's worksheet so the numbers are checked.
- 03
The house and what is in it
Whether one of you stays, whether it is sold, and how to split furniture without turning each chair into a contest.
- 04
How you will talk afterward
A way to change plans that does not need a lawyer: when to text, when to call, and what you will ask each other first.
When mediation is the wrong room
Mediation works when both of you can speak freely and neither is afraid. Before any joint session I talk with each of you alone for about twenty minutes. If one of you is afraid of the other, or can't say no to them, I'll tell you plainly that this isn't a safe way to decide, and point you to a lawyer or an advocate.
Agreements made here are not court orders until a judge signs them. A lawyer for either of you can turn the memorandum into the papers a court wants.
Questions from separating parents
Do we both have to agree to come?
Yes. I will call each of you before the first session, and either of you can stop at any point.
What if we disagree about everything?
Most people do at the start. We begin with the one question you both answer the same way, usually what the children need, and build from there.
Will you tell us what a judge would do?
No. I can say what a worksheet or a rule says, but I can't advise either of you. A lawyer can tell you how a court might see it.
Talk through your situation
Twenty minutes on the phone, free, to see whether mediation fits.